Chapter One|| Memories
"Jae...please don't do this........I CAN HELP YOU!! PLEASE". Yoochun screamed out at the top of his lungs, tears streaming down his face.
"I have to do this....I can't go back.......I don't want to live.....not like this", Jae looked so emotionless, staring blankly at Yoochun..his voice weakened. "JAE, LISTEN TO ME...........you can't do this….you can’t do this to me", Yoochun tried to move closer to Jae but it just provoked Jae to move closer to the edge. Yoochun fell on his knees and looked straight at Jae seriously, in pain...his eyes showing the pain that he was going through inside, "Jae...you can't leave me.....I've been alone my whole life...now YOU!?". Yoochun sobbed, "why me.....why?.....". Yoochun pounded on his chest, “It HURTS YOU KNOW! It hurts to see this, see you like this!”
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"Yoochun....I'm sorry", Jaejoong finally said after a long period of silence. Jae stared down the building at all of the miniature like people…”look at them….them and their happy lives….walking on by like as if everything’s alright…..that everything in life is wonderful. “WHAT ABOUT ME?! All my life…I’ve been alone…but then I felt warmth…..things I never felt when I met you”, the air was thick between Jaejoong and Yoochun began to confess all of his deepest and darkest secrets. Feelings that he had been feeling ever since their first meeting….the first time Yoochun met Jaejoong. “I don’t want to lose you….you don’t know how it feels to be alone….to feel like no one loves you. The feeling of emptiness deep down your heart, I FEEL THAT! I FEEL IT!”.
The sound of Jaejoong crying started becoming in audio distance, “I-I never meant to hurt….you.”
………………..”I’m sorry…..”.
“WAIT NO”, Yoochun quickly got up and ran for the edge of the roof . “oof”. Yoochun had just caught onto Jaejoong’s hand before he completely fell to his death. A scream of pain came out of Yoochun, the sudden pressure on his arm, to catch Junsu pulled a muscle. “AHH”, But Yoochun held on tighter.
“LET GO!”, Jaejoong demanded. “LET ME DO THIS, LET ME DO WHAT I WANT!”. Jaejoong screamed at Yoochun…….never had Jae gotten so angry with Yoochun. “Your only hurting yourself”, Jaejoong yelled, “I don’t want to see you like this………….I don’t want to suffer, I don’t want you to suffer, so I have to go”.
“SHUT UP! I’m not going to let you DIE!”, Yoochun was struggling..Jae’s dangling body over the edge was growing heavy, and the pressure was growing in his body, his muscles felt as if they were going to burst any second.
The force that was unwillingly not going to let Yoochun let go of that hand was his heart. “You left me no choice Yoochun”. Jaejoong reached into his pocket and flipped out a switch blade.
“Don’t- ”, Yoochun exclaimed. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”, Yoochun screamed in immense pain as Jaejoong slit Yoochun’s wrist. “SHIT”, Yoochun still held on…even the dripping fountain of blood that was finding its way out of the open wound wouldn’t let Yoochun let go…just provoking him.
“Just let go…”, even Jae could feel the pain that he was inflicting on Yoochun. Jaejoong cried for Yoochun, “p-please….”, Jae said depressingly.
“NEVER…..you don’t understand Jaejoong…………….”, streaming tears of lost hope and depression began to overflow out of Yoochun’s eyes… “I love you……..I always have………….I ALWAYS WILL”, Yoochun was losing grip. “Ahh haa”, Yoochun’s pain was growing, physically. The wound was getting bigger as Yoochun’s arm was being gravitated lower.
“I’ll NEVER LET GO…”. Yoochun persisted. Jaejoong sobbed….. “Yoochun …..I -”
“AHH”.
Yoochun was losing grip, “NO NO!!! “, their hands began to slip away. “Hold on….”, Yoochun persisted, until only their Meer fingers were holding them together. “No………”, Yoochun cried.
“Goodbye Yoochun”, jaejoong said as a final goodbye.
“NO, JAE what were you going to say?!”, yoochun’s voice wouldn’t get through to Jaejoong.
“we can make it….just hold on”, Yoochun persisted.
“Goodbye”.
Then Jae let go.
………………….
It was like everything was going in slow motion, Yoochun could see everything like time was slowing down. ……………..
Jaejoong’s hand reaching out for him as he let go……………………….Jae’s face expression suddenly turning into a smile as he let go.
The cars down below moving by as if there was traffic. The sirens of the police piece by piece wailing. The sounds all clear through his ears.
Every tear drop that fell still floating in the air as it collapsed on the floor.
…………………………..
“JAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, Yoochun’s voice echoed.
“Jae…………………………………”, Yoochun just hung there on the roof top. Half of his body dangling off the edge….wishing it still had Jaejoong to grab onto…….wishing that this was all a dream. Memories coming back…the good times, the past…. His arm was numb and the blood lose from his arm was interfering with his vision. The blood dripped down slowly….the thick red like liquid…Yoochun watched as it dripped slowly away into the beyond..
Pedestrians were screaming down below at the death consumed body of Jaejoong.
“The poor boy”, one women said.
“who’s that other young man that’s up there”, another said.
The screaming cries of people attracted more of the pubic, and soon the ambulance and police. Policemen came running up the thirteen foot story high building, up until the roof top. “PUT YOUR HANDS UP, I SAID PUT EM UP!”, the policemen became impatience and began to walk closer to Yoochun’s paralyzed body.
……”What’s the point of arresting me?...when..I’m already dead..”, Yoochun managed to murmur. “Wh-what the hell is that supposed to mean? GET UP!?”, the policeman demanded with aggression in his voice. “Heh….what’s the point in life when there’s no one worth living for…….anymore”, Yoochun said with much depression, still his body hanging over the edge. Yoochun’s eyes weakened as the blood constantly without any hesitation flowed out more and more. “Maybe I should join you Jae……it wouldn’t be so heartacheing then….”, thoughts of suicide builded up in his abstracted mind, deciding the right and wrong in the matter or milliseconds.
Yoochun began to move closer off the edge, “ugh”, Yoochun groaned, he had lost all strength but he knew what he had to do, his mind was made up.
“STAY WHERE YOU ARE!”, the policeman was getting nervous, he was convinced what actions Yoochun would be taking next. “Just…don’t do anything stupid young man….we can help you”.
“No one can help me……..”, Yoochun leaned further, tightening his eyes shut…….he didn’t want to see life anymore….no more unhappiness, no more pain. “Shit”, the cop ran over to Yoochun, “What’s- the-hell- do- you- think- your- doing?!”, Yoochun kept struggling as the cop tried to pull him away from the edge.
“GET OFF OF ME! I want to die!!! I want to DiE!!!”, tears streamed down Yoochun’s face as he looked down below at the cold dead body of Jaejoong.
Yoochun- “JAEJOONG!!!!!!!!!!! Wait for me…..wait”.
“never forget me ………….. I’ll be with you soon”…………………………..
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“RRRRRRrrrrriiiiinnnnnnggggg”
Lights came through the dainty windows, and the sound of the alarm clock ringing was popping Yoochun’s ear drums.
The sound of tree rustling through the cool breeze was calming. The sounds of birds chirping………….so soothing.
Slightly, Yoochun’s eyes opened to find himself waking up from a nightmare that haunted his every dream ever since that day……. when Yoochun lost grip of the only person he had ever felt the feelings of love towards. “again tonight”, it wasn’t the first time for having that dream, every night it replayed in his, not letting him let go of his past. Yoochun turned to his bedside, on the table hidden behind his alarm clock was the forgotten picture of him and Jaejoong. He reached his arm out to grab it but it was too far, “why can’t I reach you…………..Jaejoong…………”, tears streamed down Yoochun’s face. “I can’t hold you anymore………….I can’t see you anymore, only through frames and pictures can I. Life is keeping us apart.” The vision of the picture became blurry in Yoochun’s eyes, the waterworks that were going on were blinding.
“I can’t feel your soft warm skin anymore………. I can’t….love again because of you…..”. Yoochun cried.
Yoochun closed his eyes and tried to forget about Jaejoong but the picture of him kept popping up in his head, “I won’t forget my promise to you”. Yoochun looked at the scar that still remained on his arm. “Never…..”.
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Classes started at Myungduk secondary school, and the student body began to shift their directions to first period classes as the bell arose.
Myungduk was a prestigious high school that only some students could only afford to dream of attending. Only the young and the talented attended, some of the brightest students that once attended here had now lived up to having a big name. Yoochun was part of the student body there, as most of his teachers would proclaim to him is as a very bright student that needs to find inspiration in order to carry on his academic Excellency, ever since Jaejoong’s death Yoochun had stopped his effort in school. Piano was his specialty, ever since he was little he had never gotten any lessons, just learned to play is straight from the heart. Every song he ever played was written by him.
After class Yoochun would take part in an independent afternoon eating lunch all by himself, eventhough people tried to socialize with him, he would ignore them and cause them to do the same towards him.
Some feared him, rumours were the guilty pleasure of the school students. Their school news paper had all the deets to whatever was going around school gossips. Even Jaejoong’s death was published in the Myungduk Chronicles for a week, paper stocks were at high rates that week and the income coming in was enormous.
Rumours spread around the school that someone saw Yoochun actually push Jaejoong off the roof of the school.
Whispers would follow every step Yoochun took as he walked down the halls. “I saw him push that Jaejoong kid”, “I heard that that Yoochun guy went to jail”. The same old things……….gossip never changes.
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“Yoochun”, the Dean of the school, Mr. Hong walked up to Yoochun , “may I talk to you for a moment?”.
Yoochun just looked up at Mr. Hong from where he was sitting, blinded by the sunlight in front.
They took a little walk to his office, “please Yoochun take a seat”, suggested Mr. Hong. As soon as Yoochun and Mr. Hong walked in Yoochun realized a young man sitting in the chair beside. “Say hello Yoochun, this is Junsu, umm Kim Junsu”.
Yoochun took no notice to the hand that was waiting for him to shake. Junsu cleared his hand back and tried to act like he didn’t really care.
Junsu- “Jeez, what a jerk”. Junsu glared at Yoochun, already with hate.
“Okay, what is it? Why did you call me down here?I got a life you know, and I kinda have to get back to it”, Yoochun asked abnoxiously. Yoochun looked to the side of him and gave Junsu an awkward look, “what the hell are you looking at?”.
“YOOCHUN ….please, he’s going to be your new roommate”. Mr. Hong finally spoke. “WHAT”, Yoochun was having a spaz attack, “he’s g-going to be my what?!ROOMMATE?!”.
“YOU!!”, Yoochun pointed at Junsu, “you, are to not go near my room UNDERSTAND!?”.
Junsu panicked and just nodded his head. “YOOCHUN”, the Dean’s tone was rising, “I’m not going to tolerate this nonsense, “I …. I know how hard it is…..since…Jae-“.
“Shut up… don’t you dare say his name”.
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“what ever….he can dorm with me”.
Yoochun didn’t need to hear it from Mr. Hong. Whenever Yoochun would act up, everyone would always bring up Jaejoong. They talked about him with such ease…….Yoochun couldn’t even say his name……..it hurt too much. They thought that Jae was the main problem for everything.
Jaejoong this, Jaejoong that. It was always “we know it’s been hard ever since the lose of Jaejoong…but you have to move on”. The cycle of crap would never end.
“YOOCHUN, I am the Dean of this school and I deserve some respect”, Mr, Hong yelled at Yoochun.
“How dar-“
“……………Mr. Hong….It’s fine, I don’t need a dorm”, Junsu cut Mr. Hong off……….”How embarrassing….I don’t want to room with this wacko…”. “It’s fine…really”.
“Nonsense. Yoochun just agreed so it’s fine. Yoochun help Junsu with his bags”, Mr. Hong requested.
Yoochun- “hmph, that stupid old man…making me share a room with this loser”. Yoochun glared at Junsu with disgust.
They had a quiet walk to the dorm.
Junsu- “look at this guy…who does he think he is? God? HA! Don’t make me laugh….and who is this Jae guy…?”.
“Oof…sorry”, they had arrived at the front of the dorm door and already Junsu made another idiotic move by bumping into Yoochun, “s-sorry….my head wasn’t on…”.
“What makes you think I care?”, Yoochun said coldly. “Just get your ass in the door”.
Yoochun threw his bag on the floor and commanded Junsu around, “don’t touch my stuff. Don’t look at my stuff. Don’t look at me. Don’t bother me when I’m studying. Don’t eat something here when I’m studying. Don’t bring friends here without my permission-“.
“This is my room too”, Junsu cut Yoochun off. “excuse me….” Yoochun walked over to Junsu.
“u-umm”, Yoochun pushed up against Junsu’s body against the wall. “listen here cupcake. This is MY room…..understand?”. It was definitely crystal clear to Junsu, it was beginning to feel a bit awkward…this “start of a new friendship”.
“y-yes…”, Junsu mumbled. “good….”, Yoochun moved away from Junsu and went to lie down on his bed, “by the way…you sleep on the floor. You are to NEVER and I mean never touch that bed over there………..it’s not yours”, all of a sudden Yoochun’s tone changed into a depressing one.
“Jaejoong”, Yoochun slightly whispered, in his imaginations…he could still see Jaejoong. On the other side..on the other bed…sleeping. His bright red lips.. his beautiful eyes that always seemed to be filled with happiness. But that was all a lie….Jae was sad deep inside. Within his heart he actually felt loneliness…sadness, fear……..
“BUT! THE FLOOR!?”, Junsu began to mumbled out curses. “son of a b-“.
“what was that”, Yoochun asked calmly. “Nothing…..”, Junsu replied back, like some kind of commoner compared to his rich and powerful master….Yoochun.
“whatever, I’m going to sleep”, Yoochun turned his back to face Junsu and went to sleep.
Junsu- “JERK JERK JERK!!!! DIEEEE”. Junsu threw his fist around the air. “man you’re a bastard…..”.
“ugh….great tomorrow I have to go friend hunting…………..”.
Junsu unpacked, looking around the room he realized the picture framed of Jae and Yoochun..”How’s this guy?.....
“HOLY SHI-“, Junsu accidentally dropped the picture as he tried to reach for it. “Oh god..”, Junsu carefully looked over to Yoochun…”Good,…still asleep”, Junsu picked up the picture when…..”what..?”.
The frame slipped off. “hmm”, Junsu turned around the picture.
“Me and Jae….If I could reverse time…”. It read on the back.
“Where is this Jae guy now?......hmmm”.
Junsu set up his sleeping bag on the floor and turned off all lights except for his little lamp. Still holding the picture, he kept thinking about what the message on the back was supposed to mean. “If I could reverse time?.....
Ending of Chapter One
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